Taxol Hair

Hair fresh from the shower. A bit poofy and definitely gaining some length. Still very fine, and very soft. Starting to fill in, but there are still a few thin areas.
Hair loss is such a huge part of going through chemotherapy. It is the visual manifestation that proclaims to the world that you have cancer. It is one of the most impactful ways that cancer steals away part of our identity.
Yes, Hair is just hair. Yes, It will grow again. Yes, it is a small price to pay in exchange for my life.
But it is MY hair. It is a huge part of my identity. It was long and thick and dark. It was mine. I held on to it as long as I could, but cancer stole it away for a time.
Today in it’s place is hair that isn’t quite mine. This is Taxol hair. The physician’s assistant at my oncologist’s office calls it mouse fur. It really is an accurate description. It will thicken and lengthen, but it will remain a soft grey color, and be a bit fuzzy until several weeks after I finish this Taxol regiment. Once treatment ends, and my body detoxes the chemo drugs, then I will begin to see my real hair coming back.
But there is victory and solace in my fuzzy Taxol mouse fur. It allows me a view in the mirror of a slightly less sick person. It really does show healing. The Adyamiacin and cytoxine combo that stole my hair away is finally leaving my body.
I am thankful for this temporary hair.

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